Jalopy
by kabashira
Summary: Light is kira and also their is an oc named hakura and lights gay! (finnished 12/23/15 cuz it says i updated it)
1. summery

Ligt was walkin doem da streat when he picked up deth nott

i will kill and end evil w/ this book

he said

so he did

but then the hikikomori called el got jelos of ligts god looks and qwick wit so he waz all like

ur evvvil kira im jestus now im gonna kill u

and lihgt was like

why im niot doin anything wring im jus merderi g thos ewho meredr

but hw didnt actullt say that cuzz it wood have proofed he was kira then el wood have him exicuted

so el was all like

still evil

but ligt was all like

nah

and yhenligt lost his memerys and tere was very homo w/ el and el was all lik

im homo and i lov u radio(thhays lihts name) also hav i mentoned im gay

and liht was all like

lol yea im a kill u anuyways gudbye el i luv u cuz ur my onoly equl and stuff but u hqbe to die cuz im evil lolololol

and misa was haopy becuz ligt kiled his lesben lovar and now sjhe and ligt can be lesbans toogeher withot stuped el getting im the way so she was like

i luv u ligt ill do anything 4 u

and ligt was like

even kill

and misa was like

yes

and liht was like

gud

so then ligt killed his fother or somthin idk amd the steped fucking albeno called neer or some bullshit was crowned the knew el cuz el is a titke also i think ligt was el for a while to so anyways that albino runned everythin kira worked for and ligts cop buddy matthew or something kill ligt y shotin him five times and ruyk rote his nwme in the deth note and liht ded and then misa cumit suisid

the end.


	2. Hakura Bakemono(OC)

**Omg omg i just learned how to use spell check its incredibly useful**

* * *

Full Name: Hakura Bakemono

Nickname: Inarubizu(It means good writer!)

Age: as old as light

Personality: Cool

Appearance: RED EYES. Cool long black hair(ITS NOT FEMININE!). 6'11.

Clothing: a black vest with black leather pant and black boating shoes

Voice Actor: Yui Ishikawa

History: very dark and miserious past

Family: NONE

Friends: light

Crush: light

Enemies: everyone thats not light

Rivals: misa

Like: light, writing

Dislike: lets not go there

Weakness: light

Powers/abilities: the shimigami eyes, can play the trumpet, can manipulate ppl like light


	3. light mets hakura!

light saw the death note fall from the ski because tins fall from the ski ery now and thn Japan is a weird place the teacher called him up so he cud reed the words of the lord in front of his class(the class of 08) so he did it and the teacher was all like

wow radio u rlly now the metereal

and light was all like

thats cuz im very smart

but light didn't actually think that because he had crushing self esteem issues because his cop dad was never around so anyways light then went outside and picked up the notebook and went home were his mother was all like

hello light how are u

and light was all like

no thnk u mother

and went up stars and then he started to study good and he studied very good while thinking about the death note until a criminal came one TV then he whipped out his... death note and wrote his name the criminal died 40 secs later and light was all like

the death note can kill

so he wrote down a lot of criminals names to cleanse the world and he did that ery for like a week after doing his homework and fucking bitches then ryuk appeared and was all like

hey

and light scream like little baby then he had dinner with his family and got into a fight with his distant cop dad on whether kira was justice or not also he met my oc named hakuru and they had gay seks

* * *

~HAKURAS POV~

wow so i was at school one day when i met this guy named light he was almost as hot as me! i loved him so i followed him home and watched him write stuff down and stuff and i new it was love at first sight so i watched him for like a week when a shimigami came out of nowhere and i was mad cuz i thought he was gonna take the light of my life from me stupid shimigami! but the shimigami didn't he just introduced himself to light and i realized light had a death note! light was kira! so was all like

holy shit!

but i actually said it out loud and light stared at me the we had hawt lesbian secx cuz of reasons and then mpreg happened but i punched light in the stomach and threw him down a flight of stairs cuz i wasn't ready to be a father and that solved that problem


	4. light is on a bus!

light went on a date w/ yuki which was weird cus he was gay? Anyways he was on his date with yuki on a bus when he dropped a peace of death note paper

"Ohno i better pick this up he said

"NO ILL TAKE THAT" Said the bank roober

Light took this seconded of destruction to look at rey penburgulars face and find his name

"All accordioning to plan" light thought or maybe said im not sure

"Ahh what is that monster. The bus highjaxker said"

"Oh thats my pet shimigami ruyk" light said

" ahhh the villen screened then fell into a car then died then the sting rey ray penisbergaler ran off because of reasons

Then light rote x-ray assbergers name in the deth note and he died. Perhaps.

Light went home and did some yaoi w/ hakura then he went to sleep then he woke up then he was kira for a while then he went to scool and did some kira their then he went home again.

"Wow ruyk i sure am tired from fucking so many bitchs everyday! Light said well i better hit the OH MY FUCKAING GAWD THEIR ARE XAMS EVERYWHERE Light was really loosing his cool. OMG L IF U DID THIS I SWEAR TO KIRA I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY DEATH NO- I mean, wow it seems as if mom or sayu has gotten into my room, pesky siblings! I shall do away with them later!"


	5. light goes to hakuras place!

Light went outside and to hakuras super cool manten cuz hakura is a super cool dude hakuras house had a pretty bitchin shandiler

"Hello my fellow lesbian! Let us get it ooooon." Light said

"Sure ok." Hakura responded it was a god respond

So they did once they were done with that they croled down 666 stares all the way to the ground floor were they went to the cichen and made a toast sandwich with human flesh and butter and when they were done with that... THEY DIDNT CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY WERE BIG BOYS AND DIDNT MAKE A MESS HOW CAN YOU CLEAN UP A MESS YOU DIDNT MAKE MOM?! So anyways, then they went to the living room on the other floor and watched aome Naratu

"Superu Aisomu Neko Katu Jitsu!" Narato yelled very loudly(スペルアイソ厶猫カツ柔術 for the japanesers out their;))

"Yaoi Shonen-ai Karate!" Sasuke yelled louder

"haha wow this is very funny!" Light said

"Lol i agree" hakura said too then hakura and light did the yaoi and l watched thru the cams cuz hes a fuckin paedo also sidoh watched to cuz he was out of mites to eat so he finally decided to find his death note

"Salut, hommes, puis je avoir cahier de mort?" Sidoh said frenchkly

" ur not in this yet. Go bother melow & the mafia!" light and hakura saids at the same time because they were very close to eachother and could tell what the other was thinkin cuz they were super smart and cool and no budy culd boss them arund


	6. light mets l

Light was walkin to the school finale starting at the pink flowers they really reved up his fryers if u no what i mean ;) then he walked inside and took a seat and got out his pencil and started doing the test and stuff when this crepy homo got yelled at for setting like a tard and then he started stating at liggt and light was all like

If he asks u if u want drugs u gottta say no ok? u cant eford unorther drug adicten " cuz evey day after he came home from school he crushed up some adderall and stornted it also he did a ton of drugs while fuckin bitchs and stuff in case u didnt no but the crepy dude didnt ask him if want drug he said something elseeeee...

"I ART L AND THOU ART KIRA LIGHT" He scremed doin the Charleston and light was all like

"HOW DID U NO ARE U GOD CUZ I AM I MEAN OH WOW THATS NICE DO U HAVE DRUGS?" Iight really wanted some drugs right now

"SURE DO MY GOOD LAD DOES THOU WANT SOME?" L said

"I WOLD" Light said that and they did some drugs

"These are some nice drugs L." Light sprained

"How does thou no my name?" L was questioned

"Uhh u told me?" Light was nervous l could find out his secret than he'd be a goner!

"I told thou i was l i never said anything about a the full stop thy put after l" l was suspectis now

Wanna do the yaoi?" Light said to distract him

"Of coarse " l said it was all according to plan...LS PLAN THAT IS!

OMG!


	7. light & haruka do the gay!

Light went to hakuras place witch was cool and great and his house had 7 floors at least each one was bigger then the last and his house looked like a upsidedown pirmid but it was actually a mansion! but l put cams in their to now and light was all like

Wat do no death note righing" light was said sadly cuz he liked righting in the death note and now he cant and that made him sad

"Its OK cuz my dick works like death note paper" hakura said really dropping the bomb on light if you no what i mean

"WHAAAAAt?" Light explained cuz he was shocked and people do that i say WHAAAAAT? all the time when my mom says i cant have any chocolate chip cookies cuz i ate to much already and its almost dinner time anyways

"I have the shinigami eyes cuz i fucked a shimmigami once, it was real nasty and the shimigami died afterwards, having sex with humans is apparently against the rules, but then i fucked the dust and got contact dermatitis and my dick now functions like a piece of death note paper!" Hakura slithered proudly and lights moth was open cuz he was so stoked

Woooow wow!" Light said expressing himsekf thru dilate cuz he was empresed and thats what happens when he is expressed

"Also thats why i dont have a shimigami so dont ask were my shimigami is cuz i dont have one cuz i killed the last one OK?" Halura made the statement a qesten but it wasnt it was a statement

"Ok hakura!" Light said and they had yaoi and it was good very good an they were all like this is good cuz it was and then light roght osama bin laden on hakuras dick cuz he killed jorge bush and now the president of America is dick chaining who is a ugly venison of chaning tatum and the president was in magic mike and now its bad cuz it doesnt have chaning tatum.


	8. Light is titanic

Light then went homes witch was cool and hasd some decorations on it they looked like skelitins but they hid more cams but these were sucurity cams and not ls cams witch are supposed to be used for investigation but are actually used for spying on light cuz l is a gay paedo cuz hes imoral and decided to kill more ppl like saddam hussein but not l cuz he liked him also hes not sure whether L was a until or something and if he spelt it wrong like five time he'd die! Not l but light! So anyways he didnt right it down but he roght other names and stuff also ls last name was wired so... Then he got up and stared at a window and sqid stuff to ryulk like

"I am king of the worrld!" Cuz he tought he was in Titanic stupid light you were never even on a boat and ryuik was like

Werent you never on a boat? And he had a point cuz light never was on a boat but he wqs stupid so he thought he was anyways and he was all like

Yea i am right now quit bithering me rruyk! and starred out the window again and l was watching thru the cams so he was all like

Lol light thats not a boat thats thou house silly! And whos ruyk? Is he guy? He better not steel my man. Cuz l had problems like abandonment issues and multiple sclerosis and arthritis and other stuff and he was on diseased lad if you no what i mean? And light was all like

I love hakura but he wasnt cuz he couldn't here l cuz the cams were one sided and l was a imortal yander and he might kill hakura witch isnt what light wants cuz he loves him and doesn't want him to get hurt and hed die if l found out cuz l loves light but light may or may not like l youll find out later prob but he prob likes him just sayin


	9. things happen and stuff

Wew! Long chapy lads! Hope u enjoy! I no i do.

Light and l did a rlly gay tetanus match and then went to get ice cram or something and then when they were their l was all like

I nou thou are kira and to prouve look at these noutes that hast kira sent

Cuz he was suspectus that light was kira cuz he called him by his real name once and only kira would no that and light did it so light was kira light was shocked that l was already on to him but he did the note thing anyways

OK so it says i hate u l but im also rlly gay for u wheel u go out with me also the note were rightin on death note paper" light said he hoped l said yes cuz he was homosapien for him and loved him alot even tho they cod never be together cuz light was kira and l. was l

"Whoou boy thy sure are a great detective sou i w-" l was says before cut off by his fone lights dad was ding of a heart stack that light didn't cause so he went to the hospital but not before light was all like what was he gonna say? But then they were at the hospital and lights dad was all like

I had this hart stack cuz my suns gay im pretty sure hes kira u should arest him l

And l was all like

Maybe

But he didnt want to cuz he liked loght back and if he asered him then light would be executed and that wasn't god cuz he loved him but he wasnt gonna tell light that cuz then light would think hes gay but hes not cuz he only likes light and thats not v gay then he and light did the gay and lights dad watched and he was all like

Gross thats my child u paedo

And l was all like

Sou

cuz he was a paedo like lights dad said but it wasn't his fault he was a priest or something i cant remember he job but i think it was relegen cuz they had alot of refences to that in the anime.

While light and l were doin the gay misa was all like

I shall make kira notice me!

But that wasn't a very good idea cuz kira might kill her and rem told her this

"Isnt kira like a murderer or somthin wont he kill u?" Rem said but misa wasnt rally tsining cuz she was to busy thinking about light and them bing lesinins together witch was gross and likw heck no so she just said

"Shut up, Rem!" And rem was all like well alright i ges and then misa was sent vids to the news and l and light were all like

Oh darn another kira

And then light made a script after finishing up the yaoi that he was doing with l and then he sent a vid to the news for kira 2 to watch and then misa was all like

Omg! He responded!

But not in the message she said something else in the message cuz that sentence wasnt very helpful at all if u no what i mean so she sent a vid that basically said

"Meet me in ぶっ掛け,日本。あたしは根本的に欠陥人です。"

So light did and she met hem but she didnt go up to take to him cuz thad blow both of their covers so she just stayed their for a while and then she came to his bitchin house at night while light was doing the yaoi with hakura and raised suspiciouns and stuff and she was all like

Love me light!

And light said no cuz he liked hakura and he just wasnt into girls that way and misa was all like

Nooooo! I am struck by this tragedy! In my grief I shall strike you down!

And rem was all like maybe you shouldnt? but misa didnt listen so she roghted the fist letter of lights name...


	10. misa is kill

and then hakura whipped out his note book and roght misa amanaium and killed her cuz she was trying to kill light his lesibin lover and he will not stand for that but he didn't whip out the death note he whiped out his trigonometry notebook but when misa and rem was fokised on hakura light rught misas name in his death note and rem was all like

How dare u

So then she was gonna kill him with her death note but she couldn't cuz hakura roght her name in his death note and then she turn into dust and light picked up her death note and hakura picked up misas and now they had to death notes so that was good then they thru misa a feneral and hakura cheered when light lowerd the coffin witch had gerafficty witch said things like die! and other stuff anyways then he spit on her grave while wearing glasses that arent see thru cyz he was cool like that also light was apricated cuz he killed rem who was gonna kill light so he saved his life and he was grewastful for that cuz light didn't want to die cuz then he'd have to see his dead mother on the other side cuz he was going to hell cuz he impersonates a prist when he printed to be l for the yotsuba thing even tho it happened later god didn't care cuz he cold see in the future so he did do it just not yet and also their were no hoverboreds in the future :(

"Wow thanks for that haruka wanna do the yaoi?" Light was saided cuz he def liked hakura that way if u no what i mean if u dont it means he loved him in the way that if a man loved a loaf of bread and wanted sexual relations with that loaf of bread then he loved that loaf of bread like light loved hakura

"I would" hakura responsed cuz he was totally gay for light cuz he was his only fried cuz ever sense he was a youngler he was shamed for his red eyes even tho they were totally cool and you'd think the bully's would no better then pick on a guy with red eyes cuz those are always evil and they can kill u why else would they have red eyes and he loved him and stuff and then l was all like

Wouw doues you wanna all dou the yaoui?

Cuz he wanted to fo the yaoi with light but he didnt mind hakura but he mostly wanted to fdo light cuz he loved him and also cuz he new light was kira and he didn't want to die of a heart attack cuz he was deatky afraid of hearts cuz his parents abanded him then this girl named kaylee broke up with him and that broke his heart even tho he was gay and honestly didnt care about her in the the first place but still he woud do wnything for light including merder

"We would" light and hakura saids at the same time cuz of twin tellapatigh and then they did the yaoi and it was super sexeh


	11. the end

Omg! Last chapy!

* * *

So then light was done worked on the kira case with l then he was all like

I might be kira send me to jail

And his dad was all like

No my son are u fucking stupid of course ur not kira i didn't raise u like that

And light was all light

U didn't raise me at all distant cop dad!

And his distant cop dad was all like

Lol true maybe if i did u wouldn't be so gayy

And light started crying so he got excorted to a crying room and his dad got thrown in prison cuz he made light cry and l loved light for reasons explained in the last chapter so then light was in jail and he was all like

Let me out of hear

But l was having none of that cuz hes evil or something so he just said no but he said it sadly so it was ok then he called lights dad and told him how he could get out of jail for FREE by proving that light wasnt kira cuz l new light was kira so lights dad would have never been able to prove that cuz lights kira but lights dad agreed anyways and was all like

Yes

So then he released light and his dad and they got into a car and then into a abandoned road over a bridge where the hobos live and lights dad pulled out a gun

"I'm going to to shoot and kill u with this gun, any last words, punk?" Lights dad asked

"What but dad you cant shoot me I'm your son" light responsed cleverly

"oh darn ur right" lights dad said and then he pulled the trigger and... Nothing happened light was lived and lights dad was mad af

"Work u stupid gun!" Lights dad was all like

"Thou gun wount wourk i have taken out all the bullets in anticipation that thy would dou this" l said to lights dad and then lights dad was all like

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU BASTERD LOOKS LIKE ILL HAVE TO TAKE MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS IM SORRY LIGHT BUT U GOIN GET DIEDED

Then he did the jump thing like a jumping spider and started beating light until light pistol whipped him with his own gun and was all like

Calm the fuck down bich!

And lights dad did calm down and drove back to wherever they were before and light greeted l then they did the yaoi but l still new light was kira so he was probs going die soon and he went mad with revelation and took a cool nife that was black except for the blade that was silver and shiny also their was this red gem in the middle and it was super cool and l took it out of his skin pocket and stabbed light and killed him and cried over his dead body for like an hour then hakura walked in and saw that light was dead and l killed him with his super cool dagger thing so he killed him not light but l cuz light was already dead and then the gosts of the shimigami that hakura killed killed him and all of the taskforce and everyone Iived happy ever after cuz they were gosts now only not really all of them were in mu but they all went crazy with boarding and though they were gosts but they weren't cuz they were in mu on the plus side all of them lived happy ever after cuz everyone else was just their imaginations so they acted however they wanted them to ack so l finally got liht to love him and hakura got a bitchin new ride and light got to become god of a tower cuz he was died in the tower thing that l keep them in for safe keeping so anyways their was no yotsuba arc cuz the yotsuba arc was bad the end


End file.
